How to Survive Without a Baby for the Holidays

How to Survive a New Relationship During the Holidays. How to Survive with No Relationship During the Holidays. How to Survive His Mother-in-Law this Christmas. How to Bring Your Boyfriend Home this Christmas. Everybody seems to have all the answers in terms of relationships during the holiday season. But what about women like me? Women who are in a satisfying marriage, just waiting for God to bless it and make it fruitful. No one has an article for that, at least not that I've found.

Yet the holidays can be the most painful time for the woman struggling with infertility. There are Christmas cards and letters from friends and family, featuring their beautiful children. There are images everywhere of rosy cheeked young Mary, holding her sweet smelling newborn baby. There are the daydreams we have of baking cookies, setting up the tree and gathering around the Advent candles with our own wide eyed children. Most likely, we entertained those same dreams last year and yet here we are again. Another Christmas with empty arms. It hurts. A lot. And it's hard to know how to handle that pain when everyone around us is joyfully celebrating the season. Do you force a smile and chug along like nothing is wrong? Do you hole up until New Years with your pajamas and Netflix? I can't really tell you those are wrong because some days, that's exactly what I've done. But most days, here are a few things I've found that help.

1. Let it out. Take the time to cry. There will be that one Christmas letter or that one Facebook photo or that one comment that will make your chest tight and your throat hurt. Find a quiet place and let it out because crying is okay. Many times, it's necessary. And most likely, you'll feel better after you do.

2. Revel in your marriage. Believe it or not, you and your husband are a family! Just the two of you! It has taken me too long to realize this and it was definitely attitude altering. I have a print on my wall that says simply "You and me and the cat" to remind me of this every day. Don't wait for kids to make Christmas cookies. Don't wait for kids to sing the carols in the Advent devotional. Don't wait for kids to start your own traditions and enjoy the season together.

3. Spoil your pet. It seems silly, but my cat is my baby right now. So naturally, he has a stocking and I filled it with presents. Not anything crazy but a little something that will make him happy, which will bring me joy. When your heart has that urge to nurture and love, feel free to spend those urges on your pet!

4. Hope. This is a hard one because hope can be agonizing. Especially when another month goes by and still no little plus sign. After a while, it's easy to pack all those thoughts and hopes and dreams away and just not feel those feelings. To let them blossom in your heart is difficult, but it's necessary. You can't hide those things from God. He knows the scars of disappointment you carry on the inside. He saw the times you sobbed so hard on the bathroom floor that you couldn't breathe. He longs to show you His healing power and let you know that with Him, it is safe to hope.

Don't mistake me. I'm not saying these four things are going to make everything sunshine and roses. In my three years of waiting and hoping and dreaming, it's only gotten harder to do these things. There are still going to be those days and those struggles and those disappointments. But these four things have helped me to focus on what I have this time of year instead of walking around in bitterness and disappointment because of what I don't have. I hope they help you! And if you need someone to have coffee with so you can talk openly about these things you can't write in a Christmas letter, my door is always open.

(Image via The Glossier Nerd)

Being Honest

While I blog fairly often and do give you glimpses into my life, I want to be honest with my readers. I want you to know what's really going on over here because one, I don't want you to be envying my "perfect life" and two, I hope that what I've learned through my struggles can encourage you in yours! So get ready for a talkative post.

First up, my recent job development. As of the beginning of May, I am no longer a freelance writer for Brit + Co. Due to a conflict of morals, it was time to part ways. I have to say that I was pretty shocked at first because it was so sudden, but ultimately I'm quite happy with it. Freelance writing is much more stressful and demanding than I thought. So while I worked at home, I didn't have the time to live outside of it. Yes, I've had a serious dent in my paycheck but I'm still writing for Homedit and I'm looking forward to what the future may hold. As of now, I'm content to have some free time for social lunches and baking and reading. I've got these cookies going in the oven today! And if anyone needs to talk over a coffee, let me know! :)

Next up, as you may have guessed by the picture, I've got little toes and little fingers on the brain. For about a year and a half now, I've been pining for a baby and the yearning seems to get worse with every pregnancy announcement I see. Sometimes my arms ache for the weight of a little body. Some days I just don't know how I can bear to see one more newborn photo session. But since last November, God has been working on me. I learned at our ladies' retreat that I needed to stop obsessing over a baby so much and focus on the work God has placed in front of me. I have a husband who needs my love and care, a family who needs all the help they can get and responsibilities to my church that I need to attend to. It's been a good exercise, but my journey doesn't stop there.

This spring, I've been attending a study at church by Joy McClain titled "Do You See Me?" Appropriate much? Ultimately throughout this study, I've learned that I've been going to people, food and entertainment for comfort and while that provides temporary respite, it doesn't provide real strength. Only God does that. Only He can give you the peace that overflows from your soul. It might sound cliche but these past two months, I've been experiencing just that. No, I haven't stopped thinking and wishing and praying for a baby. Some days my arms still ache. But I've been getting reacquainted with my God and discovering a new facet of His character. He provides the strength to smile and the opportunity to be His hands and feet for my loved ones. And I like that much better than doubting and questioning and fearing.

Well, there you have it. Now you are up to date with my life. I'd love to know if any of you are in the same place and we can pray for each other!

Thanks for listening!

(Image via A Complete Life)

Watkins House Revival

One thing I want to be on this blog is honest. I don't want you to read my posts and come away feeling like I have the perfect life and yours is inadequate (like so many people portray in social media). So I'm going to tell you, I've been in a very spiritually dry place in my life for a while now.

This past year of marriage, I focused too much on Dearest Carl, learning how to be a wife and becoming one  with him instead of my relationship with Christ. That relationship became horribly neglected and when I realized it, I thought it was too late to do anything about it. I don't have any young people at church to ask for encouragement, I don't have any close friends (that live here) that I can turn to. I was stuck with what I could get from Sunday morning and my meager and sporadic morning devotions. 

This past summer, I put my foot down and said that something had to be done. I bought the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp in preparation for a church Women's Retreat next month and I've been slowly working through it. It has been good to be reminded to be thankful for the little things in life like the sound of birds and the smell of baking bread. But still, being thankful seemed really hard when my life seemed so empty and monotonous. 

Cue Sunday September 29th. One reason Dearest Carl and I have stayed at our little church is because my Dad speaks truth, unabashed real soul-searching truth! And this past Sunday was no different. If you weren't there, you can listen to his sermon here:

A Life Changing Experience

I cannot tell you how it spoke to my heart AND to my Dearest Carl! We both are Christians without a doubt. We know all the answers to the Bible Quiz questions. We know what a Godly marriage looks like on the outside. But inside, well lets just say that God woke us up! We'd been living a dead life, searching for our happiness and fulfillment in each other instead of Him. This past week has been one of trying to break old habits and establish new ones.

Then, just on the way home from work yesterday, this song came onto Pandora:

I've known this song as long as I can remember. I sang it as a Joy Jammer at my old church and I remember all the dance moves. I know the words by heart, words about giving thanks to the Lord in the dry places as well as the overflowing. And then came the part that goes "Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise!" There, it hit me! Here I am reading a book about giving thanks to God for the little things and here is a song about praising Him for His blessings. So I'm praising him for EVERY blessing.... and I'm counting small things as these blessings...I should be praising Him ALL THE TIME!!! So instead of just counting my blessings like shredded cheese and clean sheets, I should be counting them and THEN blessing His name for it! Because really, who am I that He should be so good to me?

I don't share all this with you for you to think I'm so spiritual and have it all together. I don't. I share my heart with you because I know that there are others out there who may be in a dry place like me. I want you to know that there is hope for you! God hasn't abandoned you! He's just waiting for you to turn around and see that he's right there and has been all along! So be encouraged!

You are LOVED so stay happy!

Labeled

Okay, this post may be more of a rant than Spirit led... but I've gotta let it out! I'm tired of the labels!

As some of you know, I love giving gifts. I love finding the perfect birthday or Christmas or just anytime gift for someone in my family or a friend! Since my family expanded last year and my younger brothers have gotten older, I now have young men to find the perfect gifts for. There is only one problem with that. If I'm browsing online, any men's gift guide gives me sports paraphernalia, various alcoholic beverage glasses, bacon flavored products and posters of scantily clad women. And its..... reDUNKulous!!! What happens when I know men who aren't your apparently normal cookie cutter men?! Why has this world reduced men to sports, drinking and sex?!?

What's more, why do we women laugh and allow it?!?!? Society tells us females that men are blundering idiots with only the three interests above so we need to step up and be the head of the households, businesses and the world in general. I guess we're just supposed to let them be passive irresponsible grown up children and make up for the lack of real men with our own abilities and perfection. Because we women are supposed to be perfect you know. Naturally gorgeous, expensively thrifty, seductively classy, home decorators, gourmet cooks, working full time jobs while managing a home, children and a blog, attending every family gathering with a perfectly iced cake, keeping up a night life with the girlfriends and a sex life with the husband that will make everyone jealous, working out every single day without fail and showing off our perfect bodies in our string bikinis at the pool, having a new shiny car that isn't a minivan, having a house in a fancy neighborhood.... tired yet? No wonder we're supposed to leave our husbands to their own ends because we don't have time to manage them too.

*sigh* It makes me sad at how twisted this world has become in its expectations. Although I suppose that, since there isn't anything new under the sun, someone has been fighting these expectations since the fall. But despite this world's labels and expectations of us, we have a different call to follow!

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; ..." ~ Psalm 1:1-6

"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." ~ 1 Cor. 16:13-14

"But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." ~ 1 Tim. 6:11

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," ~ Eph. 5:22-23

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." ~ Prov. 31:30

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." ~ Titus 2:3-5

"It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman." ~ Prov. 21:19

Well whatdayaknow! We women aren't perfect! We are going to lose it. And what's more, we don't have to manage the men in our lives. The Bible calls them to leadership and example! So I say, let them!

I thank God daily for a husband who takes responsibility for our family and steps up as the leader of our household. He pursues righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness and gentleness as 1 Timothy says. Hey, nothing wrong with a little husband boasting. ;)

Okay, I think that's all I have. Man or woman, you are loved by an everlasting God so stay happy!

Reaching Youth

I've been seeing a lot on Facebook lately about youth group. Here are two articles that caught my eye:

33 Ways You Know You Were A Youth Group Kid

Top 10 Reasons Our Kids Leave The Church

All this talk has made me think back to my own youth group experience. I think I had your "normal" youth group. Sunday night meetings that included embarrassing games, Bible lessons, small groups, loud music. Ski trip, Fall Hike, 30 Hour Famine, Pizza Parties, Bowling, Amusement Park Trips, Luau, Freshman Kidnapping, Youth Group Wars, Leadership Retreat. Wednesday night leadership meeting, being encouraged to share my faith daily and reach out to new kids at youth group.

In all the business, I was the wallflower. I was the quiet, homeschooled, pastor's kid. And being a pastor's kid, I already knew all the stories and lived my life all the right way. Being homeschooled, I wasn't meeting with unbelievers daily to share my testimony with. Meaning, I wasn't the target audience. That being the case, I was kind of passed over.

It took planting a church with my family to make me break out of the youth group scene. I never realized how enjoyable it was to hang out with the grown ups! I've learned so much from the women at my church and I've built some awesome relationships! Dearest Carl and I still go there, even though there isn't really anyone our age, but it's great! We get to tap into all kinds of wisdom from people who have lived through more than us! Yeah, I do kinda miss having a lot of friends my own age, but our church challenges me and grows my faith. It's real and true, more than youth group ever was. I'm getting the answers now that I needed then and I'm realizing that faith is more than a feeling. It REALLY IS a relationship!

It makes me wonder how we'll share our faith when we have teenagers ourselves. No matter what the world says, I want to make sure that they have a high school experience that grounds their faith and teaches them what it's really about. I don't want them to be afraid to ask the hard questions. I want them to be curious about their faith, doing their own research and looking for their own answers. I want them to have mentors (besides Carl and I) who will help them take their relationship with God seriously. I want to encourage them to eat the meat of this faith, not just stick to the milk.

What's more, I want to be the older woman who gives young women an example to look up to!

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. ~ Titus 2:3-5

I pray that I can be an example to my sisters and other young women in my life. And if God uses me to help teach one of them, "I shall not live in vain." (as Emily Dickinson said)

What are your thoughts on today's youth and how we should minister to them?

You are loved so stay happy!

To Love

"This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience

- it looks for a way of being constructive.

Love is not possessive.

Love is not anxious to impress

nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own ideas.

Love has good manners

and does not pursue selfish advantage.

Love is not touchy.

Love does not keep account of evil

or gloat over the wickedness of other people.

On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.

Love knows no limits to its endurance,

no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; 

it can outlast anything. It is, in fact,

the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.”

― Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

Thank you Elisabeth. What a different way to say those familiar 1st Cor. 13 verses. Makes me think.

You are loved with a perfect and everlasting love so stay happy!

Holiday Tradition

I like tradition. In fact, I LOVE tradition! I think part of that comes from being the first born. I like feeling in control of everything and knowing what to expect. Well, three months ago, I pledged myself to the love of my life and suddenly, my world was turned topsy turvey. Really, I've enjoyed it! It's been fun to be the cook of the house, decide what should or shouldn't go on our calendar and having Dearest Carl to myself all the time. And as I've been cooking and cleaning away in our little apartment, I've been looking forward to the holidays with great expectations.

Then Thanksgiving came. We went to the Watkins' house and spent time with family and ate turkey and had lots of fun. And then we went home. Friday we set up the Christmas tree and I was just plain mopey. My little sisters and Gavin came over to help us put the decorations on and we played video games but as soon as they left, I was back in the dumps. Saturday was spent doing laundry and odds and ends until we went to the Watkins' again to do Christmas with everyone. And it was hard to smile. Sunday I managed to pull it together for church but I was a mess on the inside all day long. And I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me! Poor Dearest Carl dealt with me quite admirably.

It hit me Sunday night. I was homesick! This twenty year old married woman wanted nothing more than the normal Thanksgiving and coming Christmas I've been accustomed to. Dearest Carl and I sat in the dark that night and he listened to me wail about missing the huge glowing tree and my grandma's cooking and my family Christmas music... and my family! But even his sweet encouraging words and hugs didn't help me much.

This morning, I woke up determined to be happy and the beautiful frosty scenes on my way to work made me smile. Then I got to work and while Little Bird played with her castles and books and baby carriage, I stumbled across this blog post from A Little R and R. Heh, funny how God knows exactly what I need and if I get too out of line, it'll only whack me harder in the face.

So, from this morning on, I promise to put away my Christmas expectations! I promise to enjoy the newness of my first married Christmas. And I promise to make new traditions and not get so caught up in the old ones.

Remember, you are loved so stay happy!

Pippin and Me

Hello my dear readers. You may have noticed that after my political post last Tuesday, I didn't post anything more on the political genre. Now though, I think I've collected my thoughts enough to give my opinion on the results. Really, the results of the election left me feeling disappointed, confused, angry and a little scared. I've heard so many different predictions on how this election will effect our country and no matter who's talking, we all end badly. It has me feeling like Pippin:

Do you agree? Looking at the results, standing on the edge of that balcony, watching darkness cover the sky and just waiting for the battle that we can't do anything about. Just as Pippin wonders if Aragorn will come to their aid, I wonder if God will come to ours. And when I was tempted to give in to fear, this is what came to mind:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me on paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ~ Psalm 23

I remember repeating this over and over to my mom, my dad and my grandmas as I learned this when I was young. Funny how it can be so comforting now in times of uncertainty. The Lord is still my shepherd and I still dwell in Him. No matter who our president is, God is the King as He has been and always will be! He reminds me daily that He is in control and He knows the master plan. So I can tell the Pippin in me that Aragorn WILL come and we WILL be saved, be it in this life or the next!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10

We are loved so stay happy!

A Little Homemaking

Good morning! I hope you had a pleasant morning. Mine was. :) I indulged in a little more sleep (since I could!) and here I sit, drinking tea in my sunny kitchen and reading some blogs which talk about homemaking. One in particular got me thinking. It's about the simplicity of old fashioned homemaking. Truly, my mind is whirling with too many thoughts on this post.

First of all, I agree with the author when she implies that we don't have to keep up with the "star" lady. Sometimes, we'll find that woman who's got it all together (seemingly). She makes delicious food, keeps up a passionate love life with her husband, takes special time out for her children, does MOPS, Mary Kay and never misses a prayer meeting, keeps a ever clean house, always attends her children's soccer and baseball games, all the while looking immaculate since she always eats healthy and exercises every day. Phew! Yeah, she does it all and we are failing miserably. So what do we do? Let go! Let her do her thing and quit comparing ourselves! Don't aspire to be like her because you know that she's probably having a hard time keeping it all together, no matter the brilliant smile plastered on her face.

Now on the flip side, I thought the author of that post also implied that we aren't to do anything outside the home. By the end, I thought she was saying "Don't ever eat out. Don't ever have people over. Always ONLY focus on your home, children and husband." I'm not for that either. I believe that God has blessed us with much and we are to bless other people! Don't isolate yourself and your family from serving the world!

I'm sure by now you're thinking "Okay Casey. First you say I don't have to do it all and then you say I do! What gives?!" I can sum all that up in one word. Priorities. I believe that people should come absolute first in your life (after God of course). If you're married, then that first person is your husband. We need to be sure we're nurturing that relationship daily instead of giving him our split ends as we drift off to sleep. If you have children, they come next. I've learned from my child-watching days that children watch you and mimic you more than you know. YOU are your child's hero and you are molding them into what they will be when they grow up. I think I'm more like my mom than she realizes. :) Now then, after those people, you decide what comes next! Your job, your home, Mary Kay, whatever you think the Lord is calling you to, go for it girl!

Okay, one more thought about simplicity and homemaking. First some quotes:

"After Laura and Mary had washed and wiped the dishes, swept the floor, made their bed, and dusted, they settled down with their books. But the house was so cozy and pretty that Laura kept looking up at it." ~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

“I believe that a godly home is a foretaste of heaven. Our homes, imperfect as they are, must be a haven from the chaos outside. They should be a reflection of our eternal home, where troubled souls find peace, weary hearts find rest, hungry bodies find refreshment, lonely pilgrims find communion, and wounded spirits find compassion.” ~ Jani Ortlund

My prayer is that I can bless my husband and anyone else who enters our home with my own homemaking. I hope to keep my home as a haven for whoever would desire to visit. I want my husband to love coming home and finding a cozy place of comfort and relaxation after a long day. I want guests to leave feeling rested and rejuvenated. And if some cleaning and baking bread will do that... then I'll sing while I work!

I feel the need to put a disclaimer on the end here. I know many many many mothers who have full time jobs and still do a fantastic job keeping up with the relationships in their household, even if their household isn't always clean. I applaud you for those efforts!!! I talk about homemaking a lot because that is what God has put on my heart and that is what I ultimately want to do in life. So please don't think that I'm putting down any wives or mothers who are in the workplace. You just keep doing what you're doing. :)

Remember, you are LOVED with an everlasting love so stay happy!

Fall Cleaning

Happy Tuesday! Don't you love this Fall weather? Oh how I have been! Fall is definitely my favorite season. :)

One thing you see a lot of in the Fall are all the garage and yard sales (and the occasional barn sale if you're out in the country :) ). For some reason, people take Spring and Fall to clean out their homes and get rid of all their unwanted stuff. Well, I've been doing a little Fall cleaning myself! Only, not in the way you might think. Right now, the apartment is about as organized as I can get it and there's nothing I want to get rid of currently. However, I've been pretty convicted in the last few weeks about some of the Internet clutter I've picked up. There are several blogs I read and several people I follow on Pinterest that don't do me any good. They post such interesting things... and they make me covet their lives!

Now I know you're probably thinking "Hold on Casey. You just got married! Shouldn't you be loving your life?" The answer to that is a resounding YES!!! And please don't get me wrong. I DO love my life! My whole high school career, I dreamed of being a nanny, out of school and married to a wonderful man! I prayed and asked God that this dream would come true. And guess what! I am currently a nanny for an adorable little girl, out of college with my associates and married to an absolutely wonderful man! What have I to be pining for?!? Well, some things I saw and read made me wish to be a big career woman or have more money or have the apartment decorated a different way. It made me wish that my life would be something other than what it is. And God called me out on it.

Was what I was reading and looking at wrong? No. But what it was doing to me was wrong. So, I've had to do a little Fall cleaning to my Pinterest followings and my Blog roll. I've had to cut out some things that weren't doing me any good. But while I've been doing that, I've been finding other things that are so very God honoring and helpful! Blogs on how to be a better wife, pins for crafts and cooking cheaply, things to aid in my homemaking and wifery that don't take my focus away from the blessing of what I have. Isn't God good??? :)

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. ~ 1 Tim. 6:6-8

"Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct." ~ Thomas Carlyle

Now I'm going to ask you my dear reader, are you content with what you have? Are there magazines, blogs, Pinterest followers, etc. that divert your attention away from what God as given you? Do you need to do some Fall cleaning? Think on it. :)

You are LOVED so stay happy!